I Have Been Baking: even-star Gets Fired and Engages in Some Psuedo Psychology, Doesn't Get Burned (Yet)

And it ain't cookies. Unless you can point me to a recipe for cookies that can survive 1050 degrees Celsius.

Last night I did my first bisque fire with my kiln.

It was still at 400 degrees this morning before I left for work but I could not resist peeking.

Some stuff actually looks like it might have turned out! Or at least didn't crack or explode.

I did not sleep very well last night. I have personal stuff on my mind but also the kiln is noisier than I expected. I heard all sorts of cracks and pops and had terrible visions of it being full of tiny little shards and dust when I opened the lid.

So I simply could not go to work today with out knowing that at least ONE piece survived.

Will post up some pictures of what comes out (dead or alive) probably next week.

It is funny. I bought the thing beginning of September but didn't even test fire it until last Saturday. It has been sitting there in the corner of the living room like a sullen reproachful robot for over a month.Of course I made all sorts of excuses. No time. Vacation. Other stuff going on. But really, if I am honest with myself, the reason it has taken so long is quite simply fear.

Fear of failure. What if it doesn't work? What if I can't get my pieces to fire properly? What if what comes out of it is shit? Which means what is going into it is shit!

If you read my other blogs you will know about SD and SD is struggling with the same thing right now at work. It really really gets to him when he has a high profile project. Not because he isn't capable but I think it is because he doesn't really have anything that he does outside of work that involves feelings of success and failure. So it is all wrapped up in his work.

I personally like to spread it around. It isn't that I don't care about my day job it is just that there are lots of other things that I do that involve a sense of achievement. A new cross stitch design, a sketch, running 2.5 miles, writing a good blog post.

But these other things also carry the opposite burden. If I don't do the 2.5 miles I do feel like I have failed. Failed myself because I know I can do it and have done it before. Maybe I have an image in my head for a new cross stitch design but it just doesn't come out on paper.

There is disappointment there. But that feeling of failure isn't so bad because there is usually something else I am doing that comes out great. So what if I didn't do the mileage. I was tired because I was up late finishing a really great design or sculpture. Yes my house is messy (another common failure) but only because I finally got the kiln running and the mess is all the bits from getting it ready.

I really need to talk to him about this. I think it would make him a happier person. To have like something that he does that will give him that sense of achievement out side of work. Then work might not matter so much. Which means we would be happier. He has been insufferably grumpy for like TWO WEEKS.

My poor grumpy bear. I don't like to see him like that because it is very similar to how I would get when I was going into a depressive episode. I am not very tolerant or understanding when I feel neglected or my feet don't get rubbed. Goodness I can be so selfish.

Of course you know what getting the kiln working actually means. And it is a dreadful thing. I now have to actually start making stuff!

EEEK! How scary is that?!

For those of you who are interested in the details it is an L&L Fuego kiln purchased from Potclays in Stoke-on-Trent. Works on the regular mains electricity. Seems like a good little machine so far.

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